Eagle Satire: New Baywatch Club

Everyone knows about Baywatch, whether it’s from the actual television show, the new movie, or both. Baywatch is often the root of all jokes involving attractive people and the beach. But what if this fictional ideal could somehow be a reality? Today at East Forsyth High, it has become a legitimate thing.

Baywatch club: a club consisting of attractive, and ripped students who are working to perfect the art of running slowly and gracefully while saving drowning victims. How does a person train for such a thing?

Mr. Sapp, the teacher in charge of this club, explains the process students will undergo should they choose to join the club. “In the Baywatch club, we go through three stages: facial expressions, grace, and the overall slow-running part. We practice these things by incorporating lots of mirrors, slow melodramatic music, and by doing lots of ballet and pilates, which helps the students keep their posture straight and to add to the overall grace portion.”

So what exactly is the point in all of this? Why learn how to run slowly and attractively? Unbeknownst to most people, there is in fact a Baywatch competition in which the school with the best slow-motion jog wins $50,000, and the hardworking students in the Baywatch club get to meet Zac Efron and the Rock.

Mckenzie Hutchins (’18) describes the competition, saying, “Our only competition in the state of North Carolina is Northwest and Glenn High School. If we can beat them then we’ll compete against the rest of the country, and if we can be one of the top five teams then we’ll be able to meet Zac Efron and the Rock. After that, only first place wins the $50,000. I personally would be more than happy if we could just be one of the top five. To meet Zac Efron and the Rock would be a dream come true.”

Many people still aren’t too sure about this new club, as most of the time in fear that they’ll be pushed out if only people with a six-pack are allowed in, but Madisyn Benfield (18′) assured us otherwise. “The Baywatch club is not a matter of what type of body shape or body size you are. All that matters is that you have fun and stick with the club since we can’t have people dropping out the last minute.”

Overall, the Baywatch club sounds like an intriguing and exciting new club being lead by their faithful leader, Mr. Sapp, and students can’t wait to join next year.

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Categories: FEATURES

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