Pope Attempts To Purify East


After sensing a disturbance in the Force, Pope Francis hopped on his Popejet and sped over to Kernersville, North Carolina. Immediately after landing at Smith Reynolds Airport, His Holiness jumped into the Popemobile and took off on I-40 before his chauffeur could even deplane.

Frank felt evil in his presence as soon as he attempted to park his Popemobile in the East Forsyth parking lot.  He grew frustrated with the abhorrent state of vehicular storage and parked behind a silver GMC SUV, blocking it.  He popped over to the 1100 building and demanded to speak on the intercom.  However, freshmen suddenly began flooding out of nearby classrooms.  His Pope instincts activated his protection mechanic and Frank was forced to pull out his light saber and destroy the darkness out of all of them.

Suddenly, he felt as if “millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.”  His nemesis, Darth Pope, walked out of the office.  From the distance, Pope Francis heard cries of “help me.”  As if by coincidence, a hole to Hell opened up below Darth Pope and sucked him down.  He struggled to climb back up, but the head of the Catholic Church used the Force to keep him in there and close the holes.

Teachers from all over campus came to thank His Holiness for his work.  Through his papal senses, Frankie knew that the Dark Side lingered in East Forsyth High School.  He traversed every building on campus, only to find that it was impossible to experience the torture of rain and cold seeping into buildings when it was sunny and warm.  At the request of a conglomerate of teachers, the Papal Jedi held a conference in the auditorium and all students were permitted to attend.

Unfortunately, not even the Pope can cleanse East of its infractions.  Dejected, the Pope hopped into his Popemobile, only to find that he had been ticketed for having a large vehicle.  He was also disappointed to find that he arrived too early to appear as an extra in The Walking Dead, which was his lifelong dream.

Categories: NEWS, School News

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